I Am.

The single most powerful statement.

"I Am."

Jesus said to Moses, "I Am that I Am." A statement from the Hebrew scripture, roughly translated to "I Am who I Am." For some of us – well, most of us – our "I Am" statements refer to our job titles, social or marital status, or current state of mind. But, who are you really?

So often, our identity is tied to the people, places, and circumstances in our external reality. And when those circumstances change, we often seem to feel lost, as if we have lost a part of our identity with that change. Words have great significance. With words, God was able to create the universe and everything in it. When you say "I am," it could only be said by no other than yourself. You are “I am” and this is your real identity. By saying “I am,” you are announcing the presence of God within you. And you make your destiny and fate by the choice of words you attach to that ‘I am’. Remember, whatever you attach to “I am”, you become. It has the power to free you if you know how to use it. "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't; you're right." - Henry Ford

Learning who you are, as well as who you're not, at your core level, involves honoring yourself regardless of your circumstances or situations in life. Honoring yourself will bring a level of confidence and peace to your life that will change your entire perspective. Being able to confidently state to yourself, and to the world, "I am..." subconsciously says that no matter what happens in life, and love, you know who you are, and those external circumstances do not change your "I am" statements.

By truly embracing your love of self, you will better be able to own your true, authentic self, and live in your Divine gifts. Everyone's journey, everyone's life is unique. Comparing your life/journey to someone else's will tear you away from your authentic self.

If you are trying to be "normal," you will never be able to see how truly unique and special you can be. [Maned Wolf]

When you release the need to be accepted externally, you take back your divine power and start living a more purpose-driven life. Everything you need to achieve your dreams is already within you. Right now. Don't abandon yourself in the pursuit of another's opinion or acceptance. The judgment others place upon you or your life is a product of their own experiences, fears, and anxieties... which have nothing to do with you. Truly living your authentic life means honoring your unique path and purpose.

That being said... I am in no way immune to that advice.

I've struggled with acceptance my whole life. I was taught from a young age that if I just "follow the rules" and don't do anything that is deemed "bad," I will be rewarded with love and acceptance. This was an emotional manipulation to invoke control, instead of being loved unconditionally, despite mistakes I might make and learn from in my life. This taught me psychologically that if I'm perfect, and I only do what others deem as "normal" or "acceptable" behavior, I will receive love.

Wrong.

So, I became a people-pleaser.

I thought of others before myself. And while being selfless is a good trait to have. With all things, it must be balanced. My empathic nature was used against me. Constantly giving to those who did not reciprocate that energy and love back to me. I always thought of others before myself, feeling like the only way I am deserving or worthy of love is if I did only what I was supposed to do, which came from external validation, not God's guidance and inner validation.

I was overly critical of myself and never felt worthy of the love, loyalty, and the respect I knew I deserved. I was told I expected too much, I was too emotional, etc. which was simply emotional manipulation to excuse bare minimum effort. I developed an anxious attachment style with people-pleasing tendencies.Giving to others was my own subconsciously way of manipulating to invoke love and acceptance externally. I attracted people with avoidant attachment styles due to trauma bonds I developed in childhood trying to gain approval from my mom, which seemed to always be just out of arms reach.

It wasn't until recently that I stopped and evaluated the cycles of chasing after emotionally unavailable people, often giving more of what they already didn’t appreciate, and staying in manipulative, abusive relationships, that I began to change my perspective.

I was the common denominator in ALL those situations.

While, the way I was treated was not right, was hurtful, and disrespectful - I felt betrayed and abandoned by people who were supposed to be my biggest supporters - the common element was always me. Not because I deserved the abuse or because I was not worthy, but because I abandoned myself.

Because of my lack of self-worth and deep-seated need to constantly give, I lacked the divine feminine energy to allow myself to accept and receive love just as I am. I continuously allowed myself to be treated badly, to be emotionally manipulated, lied to, and gas lit, believing words that were not followed by changed behavior or action. I was controlled. And I allowed it.

While the trauma as not my fault, it is MY responsibility to heal myself from that trauma and stop the cycle of generational victim-mentality to give my kids a better mom and childhood experience. It wasn't until I began to heal that core wound, that childhood trauma, that I understood the parts of myself, my behavior, and my thoughts that were subconsciously attracting those relationships. I, essentially, was manifesting my own continued misery and crappy relationships. I gave too many chances and sought validation outside of myself that ultimately dictated my behavior. It was my fault.

I did this. I allowed this when I chose to stay in situations that intuitively I knew were no longer serving me; when I chose to accept the behavior without change. In all of this, I know I was meant to learn unconditional love for myself. I am no longer a victim to circumstance. I create my reality with God as my intuition and guidance. It took me 35 years to accept myself; to honor my intuition when God is showing me the red flags, and to stop abandoning myself in pursuit of external validation, acceptance, or love.

I have learned to love myself and honor the talent, wisdom, and blessings I've been given. And to use those gifts to help others heal themselves; to help those who may be going through the same repetitive cycles in life and love. I finally figured out who I am, and I am no longer afraid of being seen or heard.

I will always be a complex, deep-thinker, a dreamer with drive, grounded with an open mind, and open heart; with a love of nature and life in its infinite abundance. I am the long way home in a world of shortcuts and surface-level views. Much like the long way home, the road less traveled, some things are worth the extra time.

So, I can now confidently say:

I am loved.

I am worthy.

I am happy.

I am healthy.

I am beautiful.

I am a healer.

I am hardworking.

I am balanced.

I am peaceful.

I am fun.

I am loving.

I am caring.

I am healing.

I am stable.

I am abundant.

I am independent.

I am focused.

I am strong.

I am resilient.

I am ambitious.

I am affectionate.

I am authentic.

I am funny.

I am passionate.

I am confident.

I am grounded.

I am wise.

I am grateful for every blessing and lesson I've learned and experienced in life.

I am deserving of true, authentic, honest, supportive, loyal, respectful, & healthy love.

I am whole.

I am not perfect..

but I am free.

... and it feels pretty damn good!

Who are you?

Happy Friday!

– RR